{"id":789,"date":"2021-04-17T07:46:08","date_gmt":"2021-04-17T14:46:08","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/olympichypnotherapy.com\/communications\/?p=789"},"modified":"2021-04-28T12:19:53","modified_gmt":"2021-04-28T19:19:53","slug":"the-four-horsemen","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/olympichypnotherapy.com\/communications\/?p=789","title":{"rendered":"The Four Horsemen"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
\"\"<\/a><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse is a metaphor depicting the end of times in the New Testament. They describe conquest, war, hunger, and death respectively. This metaphor is used to describe communication styles that, according to Doctor John Gottman, can predict the end of a relationship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Here are the four horsemen.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

1. Criticism<\/h4>\n\n\n\n

Criticism is different than offering a critique or voicing a complaint. The latter two are about specific issues, whereas the former is an ad hominem attack. It is an attack on your partner at the core of their character. In effect, you are dismantling their whole being when you criticize.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

2. Contempt<\/h4>\n\n\n\n

Contempt is truly mean\u2014 it is when we treat others with disrespect, mock them with sarcasm, ridicule, call them names, and mimic or use body language such as eye-rolling or scoffing. The target of contempt is made to feel despised and worthless.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

3. Defensiveness<\/h4>\n\n\n\n

Defensiveness is typically a response to criticism. We\u2019ve all been defensive, and this horseman is nearly omnipresent when relationships are on the rocks. When we feel unjustly accused, we fish for excuses and play the innocent victim so that our partner will back off.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

4. Stonewalling<\/h4>\n\n\n\n

The fourth horseman is stonewalling, which is usually a response to contempt. Stonewalling occurs when the listener withdraws from the interaction, shuts down, and simply stops responding to their partner. Rather than confronting the issues with their partner, people who stonewall can make evasive maneuvers such as tuning out, turning away, acting busy, or engaging in obsessive or distracting behaviors.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I have been a student and fan of this research for many years. In time such behaviors will destroy intimacy, trust, love, and the relationship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Here is an article <\/a>that further delves into this subject. There are many many detailed articles on this subject on the web. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

There is also hope if your partner is open to changing these patterns and behaviors. Here is an article<\/a> on antidotes to the horsemen.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse is a metaphor depicting the end of times in the New Testament. They describe conquest, war, hunger, and death respectively. This metaphor is used to describe communication styles that, according to Doctor John Gottman, … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"spay_email":"","jetpack_publicize_message":""},"categories":[37,26],"tags":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p3W5HT-cJ","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":572,"url":"http:\/\/olympichypnotherapy.com\/communications\/?p=572","url_meta":{"origin":789,"position":0},"title":"Good To Know","date":"July 26, 2017","format":false,"excerpt":"\u00a0 It is said, and I agree, that when the conscious mind is in disagreement with our subconscious mind, the subconscious mind always wins out. This is something to consider, the implications are far reaching, everything is influenced by a level of our mind that by definition is sub or\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Change your mind"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/olympichypnotherapy.com\/communications\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/07\/IMG_2470-1024x367.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":262,"url":"http:\/\/olympichypnotherapy.com\/communications\/?p=262","url_meta":{"origin":789,"position":1},"title":"Polarities","date":"November 22, 2015","format":false,"excerpt":"I marvel at the polarities on this planet. Everything has an opposite. I have long believed because of the opposites, everything has an antidote. All manifestations have an opposite that renders things into a neutrality. This is demonstrated throughout all of our three dimensional world. In our current medical model\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Musings"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i2.wp.com\/olympichypnotherapy.com\/communications\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/11\/DSC06883v3.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":83,"url":"http:\/\/olympichypnotherapy.com\/communications\/?p=83","url_meta":{"origin":789,"position":2},"title":"Creating Reality","date":"November 19, 2015","format":false,"excerpt":"Human beings, we view the world as if through a big picture window.\u00a0A window with vast vistas, fascinating possibilities, we see the world, all we are consciously aware of.\u00a0And then there are a few spots on the window.\u00a0These spots are traumas from our past and they have become\u00a0dark spots on\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Happiness"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":183,"url":"http:\/\/olympichypnotherapy.com\/communications\/?p=183","url_meta":{"origin":789,"position":3},"title":"Five Techniques to Improve Life","date":"November 20, 2015","format":false,"excerpt":"The five techniques: Do one at a time. Do it for 21 days. Sometime during your day, perhaps best at bedtime, write down three things you are grateful for that have occurred in the past 24 hours. Also, write down why you are grateful. Each day find 3 new ones.\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Change your mind"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i2.wp.com\/olympichypnotherapy.com\/communications\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/11\/lake_harriet_fishing_boat.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":300,"url":"http:\/\/olympichypnotherapy.com\/communications\/?p=300","url_meta":{"origin":789,"position":4},"title":"Magic Mushrooms","date":"January 2, 2016","format":false,"excerpt":"Can one blissful moment change your life? Producer Andy Mills introduces us to Reverend Mike Young, a man who can pinpoint a pivotal handful of minutes in the 1960s that he claims did just that. As a college student, he was part of a study in which theology students were\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Mystical"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/olympichypnotherapy.com\/communications\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/01\/DSC01580.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":276,"url":"http:\/\/olympichypnotherapy.com\/communications\/?p=276","url_meta":{"origin":789,"position":5},"title":"The Swamp","date":"November 30, 2015","format":false,"excerpt":"I went off to the swamp on the southeast side of the property. Sometimes I just need a little adventure. So I took the camera, camera bag and tripod and set off into the domain of the beaver and other creatures. When you don't maintain a road for years it\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Musings"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/olympichypnotherapy.com\/communications\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/11\/dec2014_DSC01569V2.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/olympichypnotherapy.com\/communications\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/789"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/olympichypnotherapy.com\/communications\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/olympichypnotherapy.com\/communications\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/olympichypnotherapy.com\/communications\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/olympichypnotherapy.com\/communications\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=789"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"http:\/\/olympichypnotherapy.com\/communications\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/789\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":798,"href":"http:\/\/olympichypnotherapy.com\/communications\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/789\/revisions\/798"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/olympichypnotherapy.com\/communications\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=789"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/olympichypnotherapy.com\/communications\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=789"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/olympichypnotherapy.com\/communications\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=789"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}