It was suggested I read and consider an article in Oprah Magazine. The article was titled How to Love More by Caring Less by Martha Beck. I read it, I pondered it, and ultimately shared it. The following are excerpts from the article.
” It was in the midst of processing all this that I suddenly heard myself say, ‘Well, Loretta, I just love you. I don’t care what happens to you.‘ The statement shocked me as it left my lips. But even as I mentally smacked myself upside the head, a funny thing happened: Loretta visibly relaxed. I could feel my own anxiety vanishing, too, leaving a quiet space in which I could treat Loretta kindly. It was true—I really didn’t care what happened to her. No matter what she did, I wouldn’t love her one bit less. Since then I’ve found that loving without caring is a useful approach—I’d venture to say the best approach—in most relationships, especially families. If you think that’s coldhearted, think again. It may be time you let yourself love more by caring less…. on an emotional level, our brains are designed to mirror one another. As a result, when we’re anxious and controlling, other people don’t respond with compliance; they reflect us by becoming—press the button when you get the right answer—anxious and controlling. Anger elicits anger, fear elicits fear, no matter how well meaning we may be…
[Having] your loved one’s cooperation would be lovely, but you don’t absolutely need it to experience any given emotional state… For now, the goal is just to try believing, or merely hoping, that even if all your loved ones remain toxically insane forever, it’s still possible you’ll find opportunities to thrive and joys to embrace.
I always focus on creating my own happiness… sanity begins the moment you admit you’re powerless over other people…. This is the moment you become mentally free to start trying new ideas, building new relationships, experimenting to see what situations feel better than the hopeless deadlock of depending on change from someone you can’t control…. You have the freedom to live and let live, to love and let love. Granting yourself that freedom is one of the healthiest, most constructive things you can do for yourself and the people who matter to you. And if you disagree, I truly, respectfully, lovingly do not care.”
If you wish to read the whole article here is the link >