I have to confess that I write down many things. I have legal pads filled with ideas, notes, thoughts, lyric fragments and more. There are so many different things on those pads that thus far, I don’t have a good organizational system.
Today I was looking for some notes I took from a recorded therapy session for myself and found a list. I think this list came from a movie my Chiropractor in Rainier recommended. I hope you enjoy my notes.
Engage your friends Bury the past, let go of your hurts, forgive House the homeless Respect the old Thank god for your work ethic Whoever you are and wherever you go, change is possible Compassion Keep your word Do your best No assumptions Share your feelings Let yourself be happy Tell others you love them Live your truth Be true to yourself Play with your children Hang with your friends Tell the truth Make amends Resolve conflicts Follow your dreams Help others Do it now Stick to your principals Be present Finish what you start Release drama Have Gratitude
In the early evening of June 14th 2021 I had the joy of watching a rare phenomena to the east of my home. There was a rain storm off to the east and the sun was low on the horizon finding it’s way under clouds. The result was over thirty minutes of watching amazing rainbows. At one point I took the photo above. I had to use the panorama feature on my phone to get it all in frame.
life is like that and sometimes we have magic that leaves us in awe. Now if I could live in awe I am certain it might become uninteresting. Some times rarity is a gift that awakens a joy in our being.
I happened to just page though one of my books in my library tonight and found this ancient Chinese Proverb I would like to share with you. Here it is:
If you want happiness for an hour take a nap. If you want happiness for a day go fishing. If you want happiness for a month get married. If you want happiness for a year inherit a fortune. If you want happiness for a lifetime help someone else. If you want eternal happiness know yourself.
“Love is the great miracle cure. Loving ourselves works miracles in our lives.” —Louise L. Hay
Sometime ago I thought I had discovered something very original. I titled my theory “I’ll be happy when”. The central idea of the theory is a pervasive behavior/state of mind that I observed in my marriage partner at the time. I was so pleased and at the same time discouraged by this “discovery”. As I looked outward from my marriage partner I came to see that this kind of thinking was everywhere with most people.
I thought I would write about this because I received an email this morning from Gay Hendricks at heartsintrueharmony.com talking about the “real cause of our unhappiness”. That cause he explained as ‘if only”. ‘”IF ONLY” has us looking for answers outside ourselves, forever trying to change how others behave in order to feel better about our own lives.’ I would add to this phrase “I’ll be happy when” I have this or that ad infinitum. This or that can be almost anything; a new house, a new car, more money, new furnishings and on and on it goes.
Hendricks says the root of this problem lies in a fundamental lack of love for ourselves and the solution is in a program they market. The program is designed to help people become more present, release regret and guilt, freedom from others critical opinions, and lessening fears.
My opinion on this “if only” subject is in agreement with the lack of self love analysis. There are many aspects to this self love conundrum. Yes being present is one, so is gratitude, so is forgiveness of self and others. We cannot change others so sometimes there is no recourse but to begin a process of self loving, to let go of the relationships with others who adhere to the I’ll be happy when consciousness. This is especially true when you are blamed for the changes they want not happening for them.
It is important to note that a co-existing component with this consciousness is usually a victim mentality that verges on sociopathic because it is never that persons fault. Such people blame, criticize, everything and everyone and rarely see their part in things that happen to them. If you have such relationships in your life, work on yourself first, don’t blame the other person, set boundaries. Boundaries are lines in the sand that apply to behaviors that you will not allow, will not tolerate in your life. Yes, your life may change. It will change for the better.
All relationships are there for us to learn. Learn to be loving, kind, compassionate, supportive, trusting, giving, caring, and most relationships in this material world exist for a limited time. I feel blessed to have been with my wife for such a long time. A long time was helpful. It gave us both time to learn a great many things. I am grateful.
“Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes.” —Carl Gustav Jung
I recently watched a video and it was very timely. Sometimes we know something but it is compartmentalized. For example, when I work with people with addictions, I emphasize the importance of choosing to commit completely to stopping. One hundred percent commitment is what is essential to success.
So, wouldn’t one hundred percent commitment be important for success in all things? Of course. Here is a link to a Ted Talk that I really like.
Are parents important in creating the state of mind of those children as adults? Absolutely!
“According to Child Trends – the leading nonprofit research organization in the United States focused on improving the lives and prospects of children, youth, and their families – science supports the idea that warmth and affection expressed by parents to their children results in life-long positive outcomes for those children.”
That is me in front of my snow fort. My childhood in Minnesota!
Lost, confused, anxious, and filled with uncertainty, a common complaint or malady of these times and of simply being a human being. It would be rare to find a singular human being of moderate age who has not dealt with these feelings. It seems to be a part of life. The causes are many and the feelings are real. Feelings And everything is about uncertainty. What do you really know of the future. My dear friend’s son’s wife is recovering from a double mastectomy, a brother in law is in chemotheray for pancreatic cancer, my best friend for 22 years and a high school friend are both struggling with Rheumatoid arthritis. Many clients have serious health issues. Being ill increases stress and the irony is that most diseases are caused by stress, is stress like a virus settling into our psyche that then creates physical symptoms which birth greater stress? Now there’s a novel thought!
Here are some ideas you might find helpful. Imagine how someone else would handle the same situation. If you had a big moral question and you are a Christian you might ask how Jesus would handle it. In other words, if something in the future does happen (a negative event) how do yo deal with it, cope with it? How would somebody with the requisite skills cope with it? When you figure that out you just practice it.
Everything is uncertain, you don’t know for sure that you wake up tomorrow, the future is uncertain. I found a quote from my favorite mystic today and in reading it I recognized what is keeping me coping, I am helping others. “…how happy those should be that have been called to a purposefulness in relieving suffering… in giving hope to those who find life’s pathway in the material world beset with shadows and doubts.”
You don’t have to be a therapist to help others but only be there or help in some way you can best.
I read about this “exercise”, the exercise is to write one sentence each night, a sentence about the most important thought or event in that day. Sometimes the sentence reflects something learned. I only started recently, join me in this experiment if you wish. We can share our experiences.
Recently anxiety has overtaken depression in the realms of most popular psychological malady. As a human being I too at times become anxious. As a therapist many people come to see me due to anxiety. Because we are mind in a body, discovering the thoughts that create the anxiety and lessening or eliminating those thoughts is the path to calm.
“Many of us don’t realize that every thought, word and action we say and do in life is transmitted via the etheric and nervous system to every organ, cell and molecule of the body. In less than a second your energy system starts working towards your choices and actions. If these are not congruent with your beliefs, goals and values, the result will be a physical or chemical imbalance in the body.”
“We are all motivated at a subconscious level to stay on the path of our purpose. When we deviate or refrain from this path, for whatever reason, our inner being starts working against us, alerting us to look inside ourselves and at what we are avoiding, denying, or resisting. If we refuse to listen, we become anxious, stressed and plagued with fear and confusion. When we deny what we feel, we feel trapped and become ungrounded. Life feels chaotic.”
Here’s a simple thing to do: when you notice your mind saying something unkind about you, a word like “you idiot” (one of my past favorites when I fail at something) note that word and banish it. Forbid you to call you an idiot. In time you will stop doing that to yourself. Do this with three words and you will be happier.
Change is normal, necessary, and unavoidable. I’m changing my spiritual ideal to love. I’ve been influenced to do so by a very loving man I met at my retreat this week. In the presence of kindness and love we may realize Its never too late to improve. I really hope to someday be the best I can be and little by little change comes.