“Love is the great miracle cure. Loving ourselves works miracles in our lives.” —Louise L. Hay
Sometime ago I thought I had discovered something very original. I titled my theory “I’ll be happy when”. The central idea of the theory is a pervasive behavior/state of mind that I observed in my marriage partner at the time. I was so pleased and at the same time discouraged by this “discovery”. As I looked outward from my marriage partner I came to see that this kind of thinking was everywhere with most people.
I thought I would write about this because I received an email this morning from Gay Hendricks at heartsintrueharmony.com talking about the “real cause of our unhappiness”. That cause he explained as ‘if only”. ‘”IF ONLY” has us looking for answers outside ourselves, forever trying to change how others behave in order to feel better about our own lives.’ I would add to this phrase “I’ll be happy when” I have this or that ad infinitum. This or that can be almost anything; a new house, a new car, more money, new furnishings and on and on it goes.
Hendricks says the root of this problem lies in a fundamental lack of love for ourselves and the solution is in a program they market. The program is designed to help people become more present, release regret and guilt, freedom from others critical opinions, and lessening fears.
My opinion on this “if only” subject is in agreement with the lack of self love analysis. There are many aspects to this self love conundrum. Yes being present is one, so is gratitude, so is forgiveness of self and others. We cannot change others so sometimes there is no recourse but to begin a process of self loving, to let go of the relationships with others who adhere to the I’ll be happy when consciousness. This is especially true when you are blamed for the changes they want not happening for them.
It is important to note that a co-existing component with this consciousness is usually a victim mentality that verges on sociopathic because it is never that persons fault. Such people blame, criticize, everything and everyone and rarely see their part in things that happen to them. If you have such relationships in your life, work on yourself first, don’t blame the other person, set boundaries. Boundaries are lines in the sand that apply to behaviors that you will not allow, will not tolerate in your life. Yes, your life may change. It will change for the better.
All relationships are there for us to learn. Learn to be loving, kind, compassionate, supportive, trusting, giving, caring, and most relationships in this material world exist for a limited time. I feel blessed to have been with my wife for such a long time. A long time was helpful. It gave us both time to learn a great many things. I am grateful.
“Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes.” —Carl Gustav Jung